A day of erotic fun

Today was to be a day of soft eroticism. No hard, masculine, orgasm oriented thoughts and activities, but only soft, erotic almost feminine games. To begin with, I had to spend the entire day naked, except for my collar and cuffs. I did have an appointment with the hairdresser and for that I was allowed to be dressed, but still wasn't allowed to wear underwear. Before leaving, I had to dress in the hallway, just behind the front door and after coming home, the first thing I had to do was to strip again. I was also not allowed to slink about the house, to hide behind doors or to stick to the walls and corners. Quite the contrary, actually. I was to walk about the house in a proud manner, taking pride in my nudity and being on display.
But that was not all. I was also instructed to watch a spanking movie of my own choosing. During the movie, I was to wear my small, pink butt plug. I also had to touch myself, but not in a masculine way. Instead, I was to caress myself, my entire body. I was allowed to touch my cock, but not to stroke it as if to cum. The goal was not to orgasm in three minutes, but to enjoy myself for a long time, focusing on all of my body. Cumming was not allowed.
The next thing I had to do, was to do an erotic photo shoot. Before beginning that, I had to first massage my entire body with a massage oil. Not just rub it in, but to massage myself in a gentle, erotic fashion. The photo shoot was also to be just erotic. No full frontal nudity, but more shy, demure and feminine.

All in all, it was a very relaxed day. Although it felt strange to get up in the morning and not get dressed, and even stranger to have breakfast and coffee sitting naked at the breakfast table, pretty soon I started to get used to the feeling and even feeling comfortable that way. All that changed when I got dressed behind the front door, went out and drove past my home. In the bright sunlight, I looked at the living room window and I was amazed that from the street, the inside of the house was fairly clearly visible! I could see all the furniture and even make out individual leaves on a potted plant. I had thought that this was not possible, but this threw a serious wrench in the plans for the rest of the day.

At the hairdresser, I was slightly uncomfortable, not wearing any underwear, but once I noticed that no one was paying attention to me, I felt reassured and relaxed. During the haircut, I mentioned I was getting my hair done for having my picture taken later that day, as instructed by Miss Dee. Nobody at the hairdresser would know how exactly that comment was meant, but I knew that it referred to the erotic photo shoot I had to do later that day!

Upon coming home, I undressed again and put my collar and cuffs back on, the only things I was supposed to wear today. I sent a text message to Miss Dee, telling her about how clearly visible I was in the living room. She amended my assignment, telling me that I could draw the curtains, but not completely. There had to be the feeling that someone might see me, even though, with the curtains drawn, that was virtually impossible.
Dressed like that, and with my small butt plug in hand, I went downstairs again, where I hurriedly closed the curtains to a narrow opening. I then popped the DVD into my DVD player, popped the butt plug in my bottom and lay down on the sofa in the living room. The DVD was a movie from Nuwest/Leda and featured Amber Olsen, who besides being a pretty blond, is also a mean disciplinarian! In the video she wield the cane, strap and hairbrush very well! So there I was, watching Miss Olsen in action and slowly caressing myself, teasing myself with my fingertips, etc. I found that as I was doing this, the action on the screen disappeared more and more into the background, while the sensations of my body came more and more into the foreground. With the butt plug in, and finding ever more sensitive spots to touch myself, it didn't take very long before I became pretty excited and sensitive. I discovered that the sides of my torso and also my neck and shoulders were very sensitive to this light touching. I got erect of course, but I neglected my cock, although I did touch it occasionally. By the time the movie had finished, I was certainly aroused, but in a more laid back sort of way.

The most difficult assignment of the day, the one that I dreaded the most, was doing the erotic photo shoot. I have never considered myself to be attractive, or as having a good looking body. Miss Dee made me research poses for this assignment, which added to me already feeling excited. However, the more poses I studied, the more I became convinced that I would never make a good model for them. I just didn't feel that I would look good in any of those poses, but I was determinded to try my best to please Miss Dee.
Before actually doing the photos, I was to sensually massage myself with some moisturizing cream, which would help make my skin glow. It also added to my already subdued, erotic excitement. The actual picture-taking process was quite tedious in the beginning. I had to set up the camera, then had 10 seconds in which to get into position before the self-timer went off. In the end, I determined it was best to determine a position, to study getting into it and then trying to get it on camera. Still, it took a lot of time to get some decent results. But, as I saw the first results taking shape, I became more and more pleased with the assignment. Some of the pictures turned out above expectation. Although most of them were either failed in intention, had the wrong pose, looked strange, I was left with a few that I was actually happy with. I hadn't expected that result at all, really. As I said, I had never considered myself as being attractive or having a good physique. But when I showed them to Miss Dee, I did have a sense of pride. Miss Dee also told me that they were very nice. No, that's not entirely correct...Miss Dee told me she was very pleased with them and that she considered the photos to be gorgeous and very sensual. I had never before heard pictures of myself described in those words before and I was extremely happy that Miss Dee was pleased with them.
She explained to me that being a submissive is not all about punishment, embarrassment and such, but also about being proud to serve, of being pampered and being cared for. Ever since these photographs, I have been learning that, little by little. After all, what is a Domme if she has no one to serve her? And the submission is given by submissive. A Domme and boy relationship is therefor a two-way relationship.

In the end, I think this assignment, of taking the erotic photos, is probably one of my favorite things I have ever done as a submissive. I was embarrassed to do it in the beginning, but I was so pleased with the end result! I will never forget the feeling of pride I had when Miss Dee told me how much she appreciated them. I think that was the most important lesson of this day.
Most of these images will remain private between Miss Dee and myself, since she considers them very special and precious to her. However, she has chosen three that I may share with you on my blog. These images are unlike anything I have ever published of myself on this blog. They are very personal. But, I have to admit that I am very pleased with this result. I hope you will like them too.

Wearing a nappy...

Some of you may have been wondering what Miss Dee meant in her post of yesterday, which was a wonderful post for me to read, by the way. Thank you for that, Miss! Well, today I am telling you what happened yesterday, and I have to include a few photos as chosen by Miss Dee.

Recently, Miss Dee announced that we would be doing a little nappy play. Well, that was yesterday. I was instructed not to use the bathroom in the afternoon, so that I would have a full bladder before we started. Miss had said that there was a good possibility I would have to wet myself. Obviously, I was "looking forward" to that with mixed feelings. I'd never considered wearing nappies for real. However, I once did bring it up in a joking fashion to Miss Dee. She immediately jotted it down in her little black book of things to try. Now, I want to make it clear that we discussed this before trying it. Miss Dee never tries out new things without making sure that I am at least willing to try them. And she also made it clear that I always had my safeword if I didn't want to go on with it anyway. I was uncomfortable with the idea of wearing a nappy, even more with having to wet myself and even more about posting about it here. With pictures even!
I also want to say that there are no plans whatsoever to turn me into an adult baby. Neither of us is interested in that. What is interesting in this is the embarrassment factor and also the giving up control of a basic bodily function to Miss Dee. I'm not going to be in nappies permanently, but it will happen sometimes.

Before being able to do a nappy session, one first needs to have a nappy. My first job therefor was to go out and buy a nappy that would fit me. I did a lot of research online about buying nappies that would fit adults. Fortunately for me, I did not have to go to a medical supply store or a pharmacy. I found out that a type for older children (8 - 15) would fit me as well. So I could just pretend to buy them for a child at a regular store. With the nappies at home, things suddenly became quite real. Where at first it was just talk or fantasy, suddenly it was a reality, where Miss Dee could tell me to go and put on my nappies.

And yesterday, that day came. Upon coming home, I messaged Miss Dee that I was ready. To begin with, she had me fetch my collar and cuffs to put on. With them on, she made me strip naked. She inquired if I had an urge to pee, which I confirmed. I had not used the bathroom in several hours, so there was an urge to go. Then came the dreaded instruction to go and fetch a nappy. Miss made me put it on in front of the camera so she could watch. For some reason, I felt a strange excitement as I slowly pulled up the nappy and it settled around my nether regions. It felt soft and warm...and comfy. Miss Dee reminded me that it was best to angle my cock down, pointing at the absorbent padding.
As comfortable and warm the nappy felt physically, so uncomfortable it made me feel mentally. On my computer screen, I could clearly make out how I looked to Miss Dee. She commented it didn't look all that weird on me. I don't know if that made it better or worse. After showing myself front and back on cam, Miss told me I could sit down and we started chatting about other things. I felt sort of weird and uncomfortable, sitting there, dressed in only a nappy and waiting for my urge to pee to increase. It was hard to concentrate on the conversation.

At one point, I told Miss that I had trouble relaxing and that I wasn't sure I could even go if told to wet myself, due to my tension. So, she took me through a relaxation exercise, helping me to relax my muscles and ease my anxiety. That certainly helped me to calm down a bit. Then, to help my urge to pee build up, Miss made me drink some more water and then hold my index finger in a glass of cold water. For some reason, that really increased my urge to go!

Then, finally, I started having trouble holding it longer. Miss Dee made me get up, place a towel on the floor and stand on it, just in case the nappy wasn't entirely up to the job. And there I was...standing in front of my webcam, in a nappy...ready to wet myself because Miss Dee expected it of me. Just to see if I would allow her that level of control over me.
Despite my urge to pee, I couldn't do it. I stood there, tried to relax my muscles, wanting to please Miss Dee, but the years of conditioning NOT to wet myself made it impossible. My bladder would not relax enough to let go of all that pent up urine. I pushed, I squeezed, I strained but nothing came out. This took a while, with Miss instructing me to just relax, to stand there, to forget about everything and just to let go.

Then, suddenly, I felt my bladder relax and a little bit of urine ran out into my nappy. Then it stopped. Then it started again. And it stopped again. And finally...I managed to let go and slowly, but surely I felt the nappy get wetter and wetter. It was warm and not an entirely uncomfortable feeling. But I did feel terribly embarrassed. I couldn't remember the last time I wet myself, it was that long ago. Finally it stopped and there I stood, in a very wet nappy, just like a little boy. Apparently I overfilled the nappy, because not everything got absorbed and I felt a bit of urine running around. And then some drops escaping and dripping slowly down my leg. It was thoroughly embarrassing! Fortunately it leaked only a few drops.

Oh dear, I wet my nappy...

Like a little boy...

Miss Dee then told me she was very proud of me for letting her take this control, for doing this for her. Under normal circumstances, that would have made me proud, but it is hard to feel proud of yourself when you're standing in a dripping nappy you have just wet...
Miss then instructed me to take off the nappy, which I was happy to do, but then I realized that she had told me she'd spank me for wetting myself, since that does seem to be the tradition. She decided that I was not going to be spanked for wetting myself...but I was going to be spanked for taking so long before doing so.
Still in my soggy nappy, I was sent to fetch the heavy hairbrush. After retrieving that, I was told to lower the nappy and begin spanking. I got some 50 spanks with the hairbrush on my (fortunately) dry bottom. This was probably the most embarrassing moment of them all, getting spanked with a wet nappy between my knees. Only when Miss Dee was satisfied with the color of my cheeks, did she allow me to go and clean myself and dispose of the nappy. I was very happy to be out of that thing!

Spanked, and still with the wet nappy between my knees. Embarrassing!

Afterwards, when all was said and done, I have to admit that yes, I am proud of having done this. I was certainly not looking forward to doing this and being there and wetting myself was very uncomfortable. But I have to admit that the nappy (when still dry) felt warm, soft and comfortable. While it was embarrassing to wear it and to see myself in it, the physical side of it was okay. Certainly, wetting myself on command was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and I certainly got no pleasure out of it.
The pride comes from having conquered myself, from having done something which I really didn't want to do. Which I felt was too embarrassing to do. I made the nappy comment as joke to Miss Dee when I made it and I had no idea that I would indeed be wearing one and even using it! It wasn't a hard limit, because in that case I would have used my safeword, but it definitely made me uncomfortable before I did it. But afterwards, I had no ill feelings about having done it. I was glad it was over and that I had managed to do what Miss Dee expected. I was proud that I had managed to defeat my own hesitation.

Will there be more nappies in my future. Yes, there very likely will be. As a punishment for childish behavior, for instance. Or just because Miss Dee would like to see me in them again. Will I be using them again? That's likely to happen as well, but only for wetting...the other use is something neither of us fancies. So, what do all of you think?

Pride!

As a further post to Mark's below entry, I wanted to make one of my own.

I'm very happy that he is starting to take pride in his submission. It's a great thing to witness and I'm going to allow myself just a small slice of the merit for making it happen. Not all of it though - that's mainly down to him. It's his honesty and his courage to acknowledge and go for what he wants that makes it work. Yes, there was some hesitance at first to believe me when I told him how good he was and how beautiful he was when in a submissive position but I think we're getting to the point that he believes me now when I tell him how proud I am of him.

And I'm very proud of what he did today for me. It was a hard test for him to overcome but in the end, with encouragement, he managed it. I'll let him tell you all the details as it's his story.

p.s. Yes, he was spanked afterwards.

Different...

Well, I am just writing this post to talk a bit about Miss Dee. I soon found out that she isn't the type of Domme people would expect in general, I believe. I think many people have the image of a leather-clad Dominatrix in mind when they think about a Domme. Of course this image is not always true, it is a stereotype. Miss Dee is certainly not that kind of Domme.
Many people also think of a Domme as someone who is aloof, distant and cold. Miss Dee also doesn't fit that description, fortunately. In fact, she is anything but.
Then, there are people who think that a Domme should always be strict and harsh. Miss Dee isn't either of those things. She is strict when she needs to be, of course. But at other times, we joke together, we play and she enjoys my cheekiness. She tells me that she feels secure in her dominance and is convinced of my submission, so we don't need to have the dynamic going on all the time. And it is true, we slip in and out of the dynamic at will, with surprising ease. We may be joking one minute and the next, I am bare bottomed getting a spanking. It is really liberating to be able to do that.

One of the most important things that Miss Dee is trying to teach me, is the importance of taking pride in my submission. She told me on several occassions that being a submissive isn't all about abuse, embarrasment and humiliation. I need to feel good about myself, about my position, about the submission which I demonstrate and the pleasure I provide her. This is a lesson which I am now slowly learning, starting to feel secure in my submission and feeling liberated because of it. It's a good feeling, and something that I am really beginning to enjoy.

My first instruction from Miss Dee

Before Miss Dee and I decided to start 'playing' as Domme and boy, she had me fill in a questionnaire she had made for me, asking me about a lot of things, for instance what I got out of being submissive, what I expected of her, what my limits were, etc. We also chatted a lot in the beginning about certain types of games or fantasies but also becoming generally acquainted. We also set a safeword. I think we both wanted to make sure that if we were in this for the long haul, as was the plan, we needed more things in common than just our play. And it has to be said that we got on like a house on fire from almost the beginning. Besides play partners, I can honestly say that very quickly, we also became good friends who love to to just talk and have fun together.

I also quickly found out that Miss Dee is very "cerebral" in her approach. With that, I mean that she is very interested in the mental aspects of my submission, how a particular situation makes me feel, what makes me 'tick' as a submissive, how things affect me and such. Which is only logical, I think. Obedience is physical but submission is mental. It happens 100% in the brain. If your mind can surrender to someone, obedience and compliance follow naturally from that.

One of the things Miss Dee likes, is for me to be reminded of my status as a boy, constantly. So that she is never far from my mind. That is one of the reasons I think, why she likes me in panties (or knickers, as she will undoubtedly prefer). They can be worn as a constant reminder, are a clear sign of my status and still invisible to the general public. Plus, they make me feel very silly and subjugated as well.
My first ever instruction from Miss Dee was to spend a night sleeping, dressed only in panties. And not only that...I had to cuff one of my hands to the side of the bed as well. Not very tightly, but tight enough that I would be limited in my movements. Since I had the house to myself that time, it was not a problem to do so. Miss Dee decided it had to be my red thong. This might not look like a particularly challenging assignment. But the effect is quite profound psychologically. I had never slept in panties before or in bondage, for that matter. So before going to bed, I slipped them on. And of course I could not resist to glance at myself in the mirror. And there I was, a grown male, dressed in a skimpy, red thong. This image stuck in my mind when I turned off the light and tried to sleep. At first it was a bit hard to find a comfortable position, because the movement of my left arm was restricted. It also made me feel very owned. I was cuffed to the bed because my Domme wanted me to be. There was no way she could check if I had been obeying or not. But of course I did obey her. Being cuffed also made me feel safe in some way. It felt secure. The cuff was restricting, but somehow also a link to Miss Dee.
I have to admit that lying there in the dark, snugly in bed, cuffed and in panties, I could not help but feel excited. I could not help getting erect in that tight thong. And it being a thong, it didn't accommodate my male parts very well, which only increased my excitement and thus embarrassment. It took me quite a while to shake that off and go to sleep.

In bed...

Of course the next day, Miss wanted me to tell her all about how I felt going to bed cuffed and dressed like that, if it excited me and why. So I answered her questions honestly, with a blush on my face. She loved the effect of the panties and I had a feeling that they would play a big part in my future education...

Nappies

A little while ago Mark and I had a conversation in which the subject of childish behaviour reared its head. I jokingly threatened to get him a dummy and put him in nappies if he carried on. It soon became apparent that the prospect of wearing nappies was extremely embarrassing to him so, of course, it was something that I thought about a bit more.

So, one of his upcoming sessions will include nappy wearing and will probably include him having to 'pee' while wearing it to complete his humiliation and demonstrate his obedience to me and the control I have over his body and his boy bits.

What would people prefer to see ... photos of him in his nappy or of his spanked bottom afterwards? Or both?

Miss Dee

Finding the right Domme

Dear friends,

I'm sorry for being silent for so long. The reasons for that are varied, mostly due to being busy in real life. But of course also because of lack of a Domme. I have never been quiet on my blog for such a long time.

During the past weeks, I have been approached by several women who are dominant and who wanted to take me on as their boy. But I have been careful to first think for myself what kind of person I wanted as a Domme. Of course I wanted someone who would enjoy the same kinds of things I was doing with Kristy. Someone who would also be strict but fair. Someone who would be willing to discipline me as needed.
Some of those women were polite and kind, but several were also downright rude. One of them, who I had exchanged a few IM messages with (and very cold ones at that), suddenly was offended that I didn't consider her as a Domme and started calling me names and told me she was deleting me from her contact list. I still don't know or am able to understand what she expected, but it takes more than a few messages to become someone's Domme. I am glad not to be on her contact list anymore. I could never be a boy to someone like that and I am glad I found out her true nature before I got in any way involved with this "lady".

However, despite several candidates, my new Domme came out of a more unexpected corner. Someone who I had contact with already, but who never considered it before it just came up in conversation. We talked it over and she became more enthusiastic about it. She prepared it quite well, wrote a questionnaire for me to answer and based on those things, we got started. Pretty soon we were playing pretty intensely.
So I am proud to announce that I am once again an owned "boy", firmly under the wing of Miss Dee, as my new Domme is called.

And how further? What will happen to this blog? Well, that's a bit uncertain as of yet. I do not want to quit this blog, but I am also not yet sure how I will proceed with it. Will there be more videos and pictures? Miss Dee is leaving most of that up to me, since the blog is my project, but of course I will not do anything without her approval. I will keep you posted, though. Please watch this space for updates!

Update: I already got into trouble with this first blog post, introducing Miss Dee to all of you. Instead of submitting the text of this post to her for approval, I published it without doing so. We had a "bare-bottomed discussion" over that, and the result is seen below. Sorry, Miss Dee!

After some 60 swats with the bath brush...